By Rick Nelson #108043
While the existence of the creature known commonly as Bigfoot or Sasquatch1 is no longer doubted by leading scientists2, their kinship to human abilities remain undetermined. Many attribute ape-like characteristics to Bigfoot but questions still remain and several pre-eminent field researchers and anthropologists continue to declare Bigfoot's character and abilities more closely resemble those of the human population living in the greater Pacific Northwest. Research data from the prestigious Juneau/Salcha/Ketchikan Diversity Group (JSKDG), an anthropological think tank based in Alaska that studies bio-diversity around the pacific rim, indicates that Bigfoot not only sports opposable thumbs, but possesses a remarkable level of intelligence well beyond the mimicry attributed to simple primates and Basic Rider Course (BRC) dropouts.
Excellent research technique uncovered some very intriguing data over the last few decades indicating Bigfoot may be considerably more advanced then even the most optimistic scientists envision. An unsolved rash of mini-bike thefts in the ‘60s from Off the Road (OTR) campers in deep forest throughout the Cascade mountains of the Pacific Northwest, followed by numerous unexplained 125 - 175 cc enduro thefts in the late ‘70s and ‘80s lead present day animal behaviorists to believe that these disappearances indicate something other than acting out by local teenagers3
. Combining this data with the number of trail head parked vehicles reportedly emptied of fuel while unattended, and the discovery of knobby style tread marks deep in the woods by backpackers, many National Forest Service (NSF) Rangers feel forced to accept the credible possibility of Bigfoot on a bike. One NSF Ranger who spoke on condition of anonymity stated, “As long as they stay out of the designated camping areas, I don’t care if they ride, walk or fly.”4
What does Bigfoot ride now? Like many aesthetically advanced and perceptive riders, Bigfoot's taste likely evolved over the years. Previously noted research indicates he graduated from mini-bikes and small cc enduros to much larger and capable rides. There have been seven unexplained or unsolved disappearances of BMW R1150GSs and R1200GSs since early 2004 spanning the area of Northern California through Oregon and Washington, all in remote areas.5
Canadian data is unavailable, but word of mouth reports from anonymous VR sources indicate similar events in British Columbia. Does Bigfoot now ride a GS?
Many riders will be aiming their bikes toward Salem, Ore., for the 2013 BMW MOA International Rally July 18-21. Sagacious safety instructors recommend remaining vigorously vigilant for deer, bear, logging trucks and Gigantopithecus canadensis riding GSs.6
Do you believe?
1The term sasquatch is an anglicized derivative of the Halkomelem word sásq’ets from the Upriver dialect of the Central Salish group of First Nations peoples living in the Vancouver Island and Fraser River area of British Columbia.
2Jane Goodall, Sept. 27, 2002, interview on National Public Radio's Science Friday ,"I'm sure they exist."
3I.M. Phullavitte, Why Adolescents Act Out: Don't blame the Kids ( Mountaintop Behavioral Press, 1998) p. 401.
4Waldo, W., (2004, April 1), What does NSF Ranger Rick Kourney think about Bigfoot?, The Gauchanau Democrat, p. 3.
5Loesst, G.T., (2008, Sept. 31), Where do the GSs Go?, Oregon Motorcycle Group Newsletter, p. 5
6Bigfoot/Sasquatch taxonomy proposed by Grover Krantz, Big Footprints (Boulder: Johnson, 1992), pp. 193-196.
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